It’s time. I can’t do it anymore. I appreciate the opportunity to binge-watch Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul and it’s been cool checking out Black Mirror. But I’m done. I can’t waste another half-hour searching your database for something to watch. Every night is the same. I start with the “recently added” list. Nothing interesting. Go to the “comedy” section and try some unknown Scottish sitcom with incomprehensible dialogue and an intrusive laugh track. Click on “drama.” Everything’s a sleeper as in “puts me to sleep.” I scan through the “award winners” and “now trending” categories. Nothing pulls me in. I end up in the same place every night, some wildlife documentary narrated by David Attenborough.
We’ve been together for eight years now. At first it was great. You dazzled me with indie comedies like Toast of London and Documentary Now. You surprised me with British dramas like The Crown and Luther. I caught up on The Office and got some laughs from Trailer Park Boys. When all else failed I could always opt for an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Then Always Sunny was pulled and I had no default choice. I tried your original hits like Stranger Things. I may have liked this when I was 12, but as an adult it plays like derivative 1980s dreck. I sampled Squid Game. It was violent and annoying.
And what’s the deal with all the serial killer programs? Mindhunter, Dahmer, Making a Murderer, Killer Couples, Killer Kids, Killer Legends, Nurses Who Kill, Interviews With A Serial Killer. Who’s your head of programming, David Berkowitz? And not to be picky but I think you might want to cut back on the Hitler options. Hunting Hitler, Hitler’s Circle of Evil, Hitler’s Bodyguard, Hitler in Color, Hitler a Career, The Dark Charisma of Adolf Hitler. I’m waiting for a Hitler cooking show where a culinary historian teaches us to prepare Hitler’s favorite kugel recipe. Or how about Painting with Adolf where a young Hitler lookalike teaches the viewer to paint with anger and aggression (an anti-Bob Ross if you will)?
Every once in a while I find a gem in your library like the indie thriller Wind River. But then I notice your rating system only gives the film three stars. This is odd since your original programs all have five stars even before the film is ready for viewing. And please tell me what’s up with your viewer algorithms? I watched two…