Cancel My Netflix

It’s time. I can’t do it anymore. I appreciate the opportunity to binge-watch Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul and it’s been cool checking out Black Mirror. But I’m done. I can’t waste another half-hour searching your database for something to watch. Every night is the same. I start with the “recently added” list. Nothing interesting. Go to the “comedy” section and try some unknown Scottish sitcom with incomprehensible dialogue and an intrusive laugh track. Click on “drama.” Everything’s a sleeper as in “puts me to sleep.” I scan through the “award winners” and “now trending” categories. Nothing pulls me in. I end up in the same place every night, some wildlife documentary narrated by David Attenborough.

We’ve been together for eight years now. At first it was great. You dazzled me with indie comedies like Toast of London and Documentary Now. You surprised me with British dramas like The Crown and Luther. I caught up on The Office and got some laughs from Trailer Park Boys. When all else failed I could always opt for an episode of Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Then Always Sunny was pulled and I had no default choice. I tried your original hits like Stranger Things. I may have liked this when I was 12, but as an adult it plays like derivative 1980s dreck. I sampled Squid Game. It was violent and annoying.

And what’s the deal with all the serial killer programs? Mindhunter, Dahmer…