Is My Fiji Water Alive?
I sat in my 4th floor office at the Taft Building on the corner of Hollywood and Vine. The day was sweltering and the 1927 building felt like a sweat box. Through the western wall, I heard the Singer sewing machines from the Mother Plucker Feather Company as seamstresses made pillows and angel costumes. Through the opposite wall, salesmen from the chocolate-covered potato chip company pitched their dreck to local markets.
I worked as a phone salesman for a vinyl record pressing plant. My job was to contact record companies to procure their vinyl pressing business. I committed myself to fifty phone pitches a day. This meant another hour of calls before I could go home. Sweat dripped from my brow into my eyes. I reached for a bottle of Fiji Water on my desk and took a long cool sip.
I resumed my calls, staring into the Fiji bottle. That’s when I noticed several squiggly objects floating in the water. They were small, clear and gelatinous and appeared to be moving. I looked closer. They resembled sea monkeys like the kind you see in a child’s novelty aquarium kit.
I removed the bottle cap and took a deep whiff. There was no discernible smell, just a slight odor of polycarbonate. I positioned the bottle in the sunlight. The squigglies were everywhere. I read the contents on the back label. Calcium, magnesium, potassium, sodium and 93.4 milligrams of…
