The Ballad of Stinky Moskowitz (Part One)
I met Stinky in the 3rd Grade. We were teamed together on a field trip to the Los Angeles Zoo. I wanted to see lions. Stinky was partial to warthogs. He said George Washington’s teeth were made from warthog tusks since they didn’t yellow like elephant tusks. Stinky was always throwing out weird facts like that. He spoke in a high-pitched squeal as if his foot were caught in a bear trap. A constant stream of snot flowed from his nose and his thick glasses caused his eyes to bug out.
Stinky lived in the next neighborhood over. His father owned a pawn shop specializing in jewelry purchased from estate sales. His mom taught special ed classes at our school. Stinky ate lunch with his mom every day near the tether ball courts. This led to kids calling him a momma’s boy.
Stinky loved to read. While the rest of us opted for Hardy Boys mysteries, Stinky chose books like Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol. One day he brought the Communist Manifesto to class. This upset our teacher Mrs. Wagner. She made Stinky stand in front of class and give a book report on Karl Marx. Instead of speaking, Stinky scrawled words on the chalkboard:
All that is solid melts into air, all that is holy is profane and man is compelled to face his horrid life due to the exploitation of the bourgeoisie.
