Your words remind me of the C.S. Lewis novel "The Great Divorce." He dealt with religious hypocrisy in creative fashion. A guy takes a bus ride to heaven and hell. He's surprised to find parishioners from his church in hell while heaven is filled with crooks and criminals forgiven by Christ. The problem of group think happens with all religious bodies. I stopped going to jewish synagogue services years ago for this reason. Christ preaches love and forgiveness, a near impossible task on our own, but achievable through Christ. Your personal battle is a universal one. Keep the faith.